I’d rather not say that I am a world class fashionista, but I have made great strides since my days of black XL Korn t-shirts and jeans with 52inch pant legs. I’ve even dumped the raccoon inspired eyeliner for a more subtle, less rabid look. I still frequently second guess my wardrobe selections and continually ask, “Does this look weird?” So, the other day I came home to find two of my roommates sitting on the couch. Perfect! They look comfy enough to be trapped in the furniture’s plushy clutches, and therefore cannot escape my “I-got-a-new-sweater-Hooray” fashion show. I run upstairs, grab the sweater (hooray), run back down the stairs, and “Does this look weird?” before the commercials are over.
“Um, it looks kinda grandma."
"Grandma? Aw, damnit."
"It would look better if what you were wearing under it was hot. That would make it look less grandma.”
“Well, I want it for school.”
“Oh, it's fine then. You don’t want to be hot for school.”
“No. I always try to frump it down for school.”
I teach community college, as you may know, and my classroom is populated with a number of 18(ish) year old boys, so not only was this sweater $6 and I frequently get chilly, but the appropriateness of my clothing is a constant concern. As is the appropriateness of the angle at which I bend, stoop, lean, reach, sneeze, blink, scratch, walk, wear my glasses / hair, how long I face them, how long I face away from them, where I sit, how I sit…. They’re 18 year old boys and nothing is sacred. Despite my obsessive concern for appropriateness they make it very apparent that I will never be at a loss for potential dates should I ever feel the need (I will never) for the company of an 18 year old, nevertheless a student. I am forever reminded that my clothing, appearance, and demeanor are being watched closely. Sometimes much too close. Ew.
And so it was born, Frump It Down. When your outfit is too hot for the event, just frump it down!
When you’re on your way to Aunt Blodwyn’s funeral in a little black dress slit up the thigh, frump it down. Throw on a pair of flats, a sweater or blazer, leave your shoulder length earrings in the drawer and frump it for the fam.
When you’re taking the neighbor's kids to the pool leave those bikini strings tied to the hanger and frump it down. Put on your tankini or a one piece with some mesh shorts, hell slap a tshirt on, you don’t want to be responsible for their 12 year old son popping one in public. You can’t explain that, and you shouldn’t have to. Just frump it.
For your daughter’s baptisim leave the champagne colored, skin tight, asymmetrical dress, that shows even more than the OB/GYN saw, in the closet. Keep those platforms for another day. Frump it with a nice pant suit or an ankle length dress and throw on that very maternal shawl your Nana crocheted. Frump it for your daughter, for the church, and for the employees at the restaurant where you are holding the reception.
There are other ways to frump it. You don’t need a special occasion. Many Americans like to frump it at Walmart or 8am Bio lectures. I have seen frumpers in the grocery strore, the dog park, and the diner. There are countless ways to frump it down. It’s as easy as you think.
Additional frumptacious fashion accessories include:
A dickie
ballet flats and wool socks
cut off sweatpants over knee highs
A snuggie tied around the waist with rope
your boyfriend's sleeveless Billy Idol tshirt
Anything that comes to your chin and reaches your ankle
ballet flats and wool socks
cut off sweatpants over knee highs
A snuggie tied around the waist with rope
your boyfriend's sleeveless Billy Idol tshirt
Anything that comes to your chin and reaches your ankle
And, ladies and gentlemen, frump it doesn’t have to refer exclusively to clothing either. You can use it whenever you need to take something down a notch. Over thinking a situation? Just frump it down. Directions on the Ikea bookshelf got you confused? Frump it. Trivial Pursuit a bit tougher than you remember? Try frumping your answer; you’ll get a pie slice in no time. The truth is, sometimes the best course of action is the frumpiest.
So, next time your teenager tries to leave the house in the latest Minaj or Gaga trend, hand her a dickie and a pullover, and tell her to get back up those stairs and Frump. It. Down!
To remember these tips try singing a little Technotronic parody to the hit “Pump up the Jam.” Here, I’ll start you off and you fill in the rest:
Frump, frump it down, frump it down
so your boobs ain’t showin’
…
Frump it down a little more
Get your business cas’ goin’
**Yeah, you should probably rock out now. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KyK9YDYyhLY
Meant to tell you earlier that I though this was your best written post to date. You're writing style has gotten better and better the more you write!
ReplyDeleteLove you!