Angry Adjuncts and Cat Collections

What you will overhear in a community college adjunct office: 

"Yeah, well you know they didn't read"

"How did they even get in to college?"

"Students should be shot if they don't know about [insert something that is important to you that "everyone" should know]

"Oh, I have a neat collection of cat earrings!"

These are some the remarks overheard in the adjunct office as I sit at my desk and prepare for my next class. The complaints range from the usual, they didn't do the reading, they didn't hand in their work, and they didn't staple their paper, to more scathing comments about how stupid students are and how unbelievable it is that they are even here. I understand all of these frustrations, and it may be because I am new (this is only my third semester professin') but I find the negativity unbearable.

No, students do not own staplers. No, they do not remember to look at the syllabus. No, they do not know how to properly write an email. And yes, they will probably address you as, "yo, uh..." but that does not mean that they don't deserve to be here. In fact it means they need to be here. We aren't here to simply teach them about our favorite subject (although, for me, that's a huge plus) we are here to teach them about life, about themselves, and about interacting in a formal setting. Now, I am speaking specifically of freshmen. Upper class students, those little fuckers have no excuse. Alright, I'm half kidding about the little fuckers part, but freshmen are a special breed of college student. They are discovering they are adults. They have no idea how to be an adult, but they have misconstrued assumptions about "the real world" (whatever that is) and their role in it. Are they irresponsible 13th graders or are they grown-ups who are held accountable for their actions which have real consequences and ramifications in the world they are constantly reminded isn't "real" yet?

I'm confused myself about life and my role in it. I'm still not sure I've crossed the threshold into the land of the "real." What do I want to be when I grow up? These questions plague me, and granted, I'm not that old so it makes sense, but my students who are varying ages and at varying stages in life are even more dumbfounded by what is expected of them. Some of these students are parents and have been since they were teenagers, some of them are middle-aged and resentful of a person 15 years their junior giving them deadlines and assignments, but they are also resentful of their younger selves who didn't do it the first time around. Other students are freshly 18 and itching to enter the college life that Hollywood has so ostentatiously displayed for them in all its party-fluid-swapping glory.

I think the biggest problem between professor and student is the separation of us and them. Now, this is in the forefront of my mind because I just used David Sedaris' essay, "Us and Them," in class, and it emphasized a few thoughts that have been pokin' at me, pokin' at me* for weeks. Power is an unseen tool in the classroom. The prof has it, the students don't, or at least that's the assumption. Every now and then students challenge your unseen and assumed power to varying degrees and with varying results. A prof's power is displayed in the clothes they wear, what they prefer to be called (everyone knows the cool profs go by their first name), their classroom demeanor, and many other rhetorical strategies we both unconsciously and consciously use. I use them very consciously and opt for the in between of cool in my preference of "Professor P," it's not as formal as a full last name and it's not as casual as my first name (I can hear your scoffing laughter, Brian). I'm not willing to go full first name. Once you go full first name you can't go back. Of course, age plays into this as well. If you're clearly 20+ years older than your students you can have them call you anything and there is still the guise of age to allow you to command respect / power. I do not have that yet, for better or worse, in the hallway I could be one of them for all they know. But once I am in front of them and introduce myself erected are the walls of power. (Note: do not use the word erected in a freshmen class). I have found that profs who continuously reinforce those walls do themselves a disservice. As a prof you know what students are like. As varied and wonderful as each individual is in your class they are still a very homogeneous group from year to year, and you know what to expect. Pack a goddamn stapler in your bag and shut your mouth! Yes, they should staple it, but the argument, "what will they do when a boss asks them for a report and they hand it to them unstapled!?" is absurd. They will walk to a desk and staple it. What office doesn't have a stapler? Is this really the battle you want to fight with each assignment? Is this really what bothers you about our students? Do you know if they're registered to vote? Do you know if they have two alcoholic parents they care for each night and that they barely could type the minimum 3 pages anyway? I know. I'm always looking for the reason when I should just expect the result, but some reasons are so valid that they should at least be considered. Some community college students are in your classroom against great odds, and who knows if they will be there next semester, but I thank god they're there right now.

For me, I set the rules and boundaries and that's it. It's due when it's due or it loses points. I make other allowances as I see fit. Email it to me, sure. Unstapled, I got it. Come to me the week before and need an extension, I'll think about it. And this is not because I want to be some Michele Pfeiffer-esque teacher. It's really because I'm a selfish bitch. It makes it easier on me to make it easier on them. I do not have power struggles in my classes (yet), and the few times I have they have been extinguished within the first few weeks. Students love it when you are you. Not when you're some false pretense of a professor that either of you have seen in movies or in your own college classes. The profs I've learned the most from have always been the most real. You see their frustration because their life is real outside the classroom too, and they know yours is as well. It's not too difficult to relate to students. As they told me a few weeks ago, "You swear and you talk normal to us," "You care about what we have to say," "You know our names!" and my favorite, "You mad tatted, too."

I'm not saying break your own personal standards of decorum and go all salty-sailor on them, but I could not believe that in some classes profs do not know their students' names. These are not Big 10 universities. These are medium sized at best, and perhaps my view is skewed because the English department is a stickler on keeping class size capped, but at least make an effort. And for fuuuucks sake, stop complaining in the adjunct office about trivial matters you could correct in a class or two. If your students don't email you in a respectful and appropriate manner, show them how. I was shown when I was in college and I now show every class I have. I rarely get an email that doesn't have a "Dear Professor P, " and  a "Thanks, Your lovely student." Now, I can't control much of what's in between, from "I like you hair" to "So, wait...what are we supposed to do?" But at least it's a step in the right direction.

The easier it is on them the easier it is on you. Don't chase them. You really want to show them how to be adults, show them this is the real world. Their choices have consequences that just are. You aren't mad, and you're not bothered. The consequences are what they are. They didn't turn in an assignment? Oh, that's too bad they chose to get a zero. They don't come to class, that's too bad they chose to fail after so many absences. From my novice-like perspective, it really is that easy. It causes you less stress. No scathing lectures on their lack of responsibility, no need to embarrass them, no need to get all hot and bothered by my desk in the office while I'm trying to grade, read, write, or browse reddit in my down time. You know what to expect from students and if you give a little, so will they...or at least some of them will. In the meantime, please, tell me more about your cat earring collection. Oh, sweaters too, you don't say...

*Mallory gets the reference but in case you don't. Enjoy. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ulM4E08J8Lo
*Also, I don't know why this post looks different from all the rest.