Are you a secret racist? I’d rather not say that some people are secret racists, but they are. In fact I would rather say it because they should be known for what they are. Not so they can band together and form some sort of subculture racist group, those are pretty well taken care of as it is, but so they can openly feel the shame that I know is in them. How do I know it’s there? Because if you are brave enough to call out a secret racist when they think they’re safe they always retort with “oh, I’m not racist or anything!” And they act completely taken aback that you would think that the comment they made about so-and-so, who happens to be acting just like a damned such-and-such, and probably does this-or-that thing too, is racist. I find it really amusing and incredibly fun to call out secret racists because it does the best thing ever. It embarrasses them. This is fun to watch because their faces change color and they stutter trying to find the right foot extraction method for their filthy racist mouths.
This will most likely not work on a real racist because they have their horrible ideals deeply imbedded and in fact are convinced that they are right. Secret racists are more fun because they know what they are saying is wrong, and just when they think they are in cozy racist company you call them out and make them all icky feeling about themselves. This actually works on homophobes, sexists, and disablists as well. Although, I find it works only if you are a part of the oppressive group. For example, say you are a lady in a group of dudes. Dude says to other dude “Blah blah boobsboobs grab bang bang back door, heh heh heh, pig tails flip spank blech blah blah” and the other dude gives him some sort of male bonding gesture like a fist punch or a high-five or a creepy elbow nudge, and you (as a lady) say “HEY! I’m right here.” Or “She’s 14!” Or “That’s my Mom!” They will not care. They will look at you and say “So…heh heh boobsboobs.” But, if dude says to other dude, “Hey, not cool she’s 14” other dude will be embarrassed, if only for a moment. I have proved unsuccessful in stopping dudes because they just think I’m either jealous it’s not me (I’m not), I’m jealous it’s not me (I’m not), or that I’m jealous it’s not me (I’m not). Sometimes I really just think grown men shouldn’t make lewd comments about girls half (or more) their age, but that might be labeling me as a crazy feminist…I don’t know.
The point is that being a member of the oppressive group is much more effective at making secret racists feel like the racists they are even when they back it up with their catch-all cover-up of “I’m not racist or anything.” Sometimes they try to convince you by throwing in classics like “but I have lots of _________ friends!” or “I love _____ people!” “I took two years of ______ in high school!” “My grandma’s part _____.” “I once shook hands with a ______ on the subway.” But none of their excuses work for me no matter how overly convincing they may be. And to be completely truthful I think it is just easier to be nice to everyone and to never approach people with preconceived notions about who they are, what they’re like, or what they do/do not do. It’s easier because you don’t have to think about it at all. And you are able to learn about people as individuals and not as prefabricated replicas of others.
Although, there are certain groups of people that you can make assumptions about, and in fact, it might be better that you do. Zombies, for example, should not be taken as individuals. Do not try to get to know a zombie. Do not assume that it’s wrong to think that just because he/she/it’s a zombie doesn’t mean he/she/it won’t try to eat your brain, rip out your intestines, or eat your thigh like a renaissance fair turkey leg. They will. They will do exactly that and nothing different.
Also, the red hat society. I don’t trust them. They are planning something at their meetings. I’m not sure what it is yet, but I’m not convinced that they aren’t actually zombies so the above paragraph applies to them as well.
Hey want to hear a joke I made up?
Narrowly escaping zombie IRS agents is a-tax evasion!
You’re welcome!
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