“You’re being a huge vagina!” is what I was told by a friendly bartender over the weekend. She was commenting on my poor drinking ability and the fact that Best-Friend was drinking more than me. Bartender even made a diamond shape with her hands and put it over her vagina to be sure that I got the picture. I got it. But my problem is I don’t get it. What is it about vaginas that make them synonymous with weakness? A vagina could certainly hold more alcohol than a penis if you were to try to fill them directly so what was she talking about?
Vaginas are tougher and more versatile than their male counterparts any day of the week. They eject humans from them that are 10x’s their size. It’s like watching a snake eat a rat. There’s no way that rat is going to fit, and then, WHAT!?, the jaw unhinges and dinner. Vaginas are the same except in the opposite direction. I’d like to see a penis even attempt to do the same…wait, no, actually I would not ever like to ever have to witness that.
My question is why are female genitals used to describe weakness? It has nothing to do with it. It is obviously a way for society to continue pushing a type of patriarchal dominance by saying women are inherently weaker. And women buy into it as well. Why? Because it’s funny. And it is kinda funny, but every time I laugh I feel bad about it. Really bad, and then I am compelled to say that I disagree with equating vaginas and weakness (just like I am now) and no one at a bar wants to hear about it. So, obviously I need to consider my audience beforehand, but then a sympathetic audience would already agree with me and they are not the ones that I need to talk to and…sorry, I digress.
Maybe the phrase should be kept but the meaning altered. If you call someone a vagina it shouldn’t mean they are being weak, or scared, or whatever it means now. “Hey, you’re being a vagina!” could mean “You’re being a really sensitive person who has the potential explode with happiness,” or you could say it to someone who just got out of the pool, “Dude, you’re a vagina. Here’s a towel.” Or maybe if a person accomplishes a task that seemed way too big for them, but they pushed really hard and did it, you could say, “Oh wow man! How’d you do that? You’re a vagina for sure!” (insert vaginal high-five).
It’s not nice to use words that describe inherent qualities about people to put others down. Calling things “gay” or “retarded” or “Jewish” while funny on South Park has real world consequences, and the people hurt by it aren’t silly cartoons trying to prove a moral point or make insightful social commentary. I am guilty also of using words in that way, usually for comedy’s sake, or because it is so common that it mysteriously becomes a part of speech without even thinking about it. But it is a step to at least recognize what you say both matters and doesn’t. Words are words and they might not have an overall effect on anyone, but then again…
So begins the work of word reclamation. Marginalized groups often take words meant to hurt and turn them around using the word(s) themselves, thereby taking the power of the word(s) away. Does it always work? No. Anything said with the intent to hurt, demoralize, or shame is going to do just that no matter what. You could call me a dummy-butt and with the right tone of voice and hate in your eyes it might just burn. But reclaiming a word or phrase is an excellent way to ease the pain of the initial scorch.
Maybe vagina could be the word for someone you love and care about, someone you want to feel good, or someone you want to protect because you don’t want just anyone getting close to this person. Maybe vagina could be the term for your best friend, your girlfriend, or your Mom:
“Hey, what are you doing today?” “Not much, probably going to hang out with my vagina later.”
“Why are you so happy?” “My vagina and I are getting married! I’m so excited!”
“Hey, how’s your family?” “They’re ok, but my vagina is having a hard time adjusting ever since I moved out.”
See, much better.
Lol
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